Bach Flower Advice

Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard

Content 50 ml

  • Recommended treatment

Fast delivery - Large orders may incur customs charges
Free shipping on orders of more than $ 34.00

VAT included

Family, no matter what?

Family, no matter what

Sometimes it's evident that you should cut an abusive partner or a toxic friend from your life. But what if it's a family member who's toxic? How easy is it to cut ties with them - or should you not ever?

It's never an easy decision to cut someone out of your life. But sometimes, it's essential for your mental health to heal the pain caused by an abusive or "toxic" relative.

You do this not to be spiteful or as an act of revenge but rather to look after yourself and protect your mental and physical health. So if you have repeatedly been hurt by this individual, even though you've tried to repair your relationship, maybe it's time to accept that you will be happier if you move forward without them in your life.

Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help support you through this challenging process by improving self-confidence, believing in yourself and feeling calmer and more peaceful.


What are the reasons for cutting ties with a family member?

There's no simple answer to this question. Toxic people can disrupt your happiness with a variety of behaviours, such as

  • Criticising
  • Lying
  • Manipulating
  • Gaslighting - making you doubt yourself and your perception of what's going on
  • Blaming
  • Overreacting
  • Creating drama or crises
  • Playing the victim
  • Ruining special occasions or holidays
  • Ignoring or invalidating your feelings
  • Undermining your other relationships
  • Refusing to compromise or apologise
  • Passive-aggressive behaviours, for example, the silent treatment, criticism disguised as a compliment or deliberate procrastination
  • Volatile moods
  • Yelling, insulting and cursing
  • Making unreasonable demands
  • Belittling your beliefs, choices and values
  • Speaking ill of you or gossiping about you
  • Expecting you to help them, but never returning the favour
  • Threatening suicide or self-harm to get their way
  • Having no interest or concern in yourself and your life

Behaviours such as these can create so much pain, anxiety and stress that they significantly impact your health, well-being and ability to work. Spending time with these hurtful people constantly drains you and makes you feel worse.

And because they can't or won't acknowledge how their behaviour is hurtful, they rarely change - instead, they turn things around, blame you and expect you to meet their demands.

Why do we struggle to cut free from a toxic relative?

We don't put up with abusive behaviour from strangers. So why do we often give our relatives a free pass when it comes to hurting and undermining us?

We just don't see it. We find it hard to see their behaviour as emotionally abusive: while it's hurtful, we minimise it and don't call them out on it.

Guilt

In our society, family life is packed with expectations: we're supposed to get along, keep the peace, respect and help our ageing parents, and put the needs of others before our own. Breaking any of these social norms will likely make you feel guilty.

These rules and expectations make sense only if you have healthy family relationships. If you have abusive relatives, they are unrealistic, unfair and harmful. So it's not selfish, mean or wrong to look after your well-being by distancing yourself from those who distress you.

Loyalty

 You probably learned as a child that loyalty and commitment to your family is a virtue. Healthy closeness and loyalty imply reciprocal care and respect and allow for differences in opinions, values and feelings. However, loyalty may be weaponised to control you if you try to assert your independence and challenge abusive behaviours.

Fear

Cutting someone out of your life is a massive change, and you can't tell how it will play out. So it's understandable that fear of the unknown keeps many of us in unhappy relationships. But you can face down your fear and overcome any challenges that arise. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support network.

Love

This is perhaps the biggest hurdle to overcome. Despite all the problems and pain they cause, you love your family. You share memories, good and bad, and you want to be able to help them in the future. But love on its own won't make a relationship work. So while cutting ties may feel unloving, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving your family. We can still love people even if we have to keep our distance.

Going no contact - be prepared for the fallout

When you cut contact with a family member, be aware that you stand to lose more than the person you are cutting ties with. There are always going to be unforeseen casualties. Other family members can find the situation difficult to process and may not back you up.

But you can't begin healing until you leave an abusive relationship.

How to cut ties with abusive relatives

  • Acknowledge the truth. Stop minimising the abuse, and don't deny the harm caused by your family member.
  • Accept that they cannot or will not change.
  • Grieve the loss of the relationship with the parent, sibling or another relative that you wanted, deserved and needed.
  • Seek support from a support group, therapist, or trusted friend who's gone through similar issues.

And if you’re not yet ready?

If you're not ready to cut ties, it's OK. You shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision. Cutting ties is a last resort for most people, and it often takes years to come to this conclusion. And there's no right or wrong way to do it - you are the only person who can decide how much or how little contact you want.

You have  the right to a happy life

There comes a time when you've had enough. You can't grow and enjoy a positive life if you are constantly being undermined by a toxic person.

So know that it's OK to cut family out of your life, however difficult this may seem. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and find true happiness.


Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202008/5-signs-its-time-cut-yourself-your-toxic-family

https://www.wikihow.com/Cut-Ties-with-Family-Members-Who-Hurt-You

Created by Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch

Tom Vermeersch is a certified Psychologist and Bach flower expert with more than 30 years of experience.

Other articles

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

How to break your bad habits

Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

How can I help my child achieve their dreams?

Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.

7 Reasons Why Your Child is Underperforming

As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.

Family, no matter what?

Family, no matter what?
Family, no matter what

Sometimes it's evident that you should cut an abusive partner or a toxic friend from your life. But what if it's a family member who's toxic? How easy is it to cut ties with them - or should you not ever?

It's never an easy decision to cut someone out of your life. But sometimes, it's essential for your mental health to heal the pain caused by an abusive or "toxic" relative.

You do this not to be spiteful or as an act of revenge but rather to look after yourself and protect your mental and physical health. So if you have repeatedly been hurt by this individual, even though you've tried to repair your relationship, maybe it's time to accept that you will be happier if you move forward without them in your life.

Bach Flowers Mix 44 can help support you through this challenging process by improving self-confidence, believing in yourself and feeling calmer and more peaceful.

Bach flowers personal mix

Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
  • Fast and good results
Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

What are the reasons for cutting ties with a family member?

There's no simple answer to this question. Toxic people can disrupt your happiness with a variety of behaviours, such as

  • Criticising
  • Lying
  • Manipulating
  • Gaslighting - making you doubt yourself and your perception of what's going on
  • Blaming
  • Overreacting
  • Creating drama or crises
  • Playing the victim
  • Ruining special occasions or holidays
  • Ignoring or invalidating your feelings
  • Undermining your other relationships
  • Refusing to compromise or apologise
  • Passive-aggressive behaviours, for example, the silent treatment, criticism disguised as a compliment or deliberate procrastination
  • Volatile moods
  • Yelling, insulting and cursing
  • Making unreasonable demands
  • Belittling your beliefs, choices and values
  • Speaking ill of you or gossiping about you
  • Expecting you to help them, but never returning the favour
  • Threatening suicide or self-harm to get their way
  • Having no interest or concern in yourself and your life

Behaviours such as these can create so much pain, anxiety and stress that they significantly impact your health, well-being and ability to work. Spending time with these hurtful people constantly drains you and makes you feel worse.

And because they can't or won't acknowledge how their behaviour is hurtful, they rarely change - instead, they turn things around, blame you and expect you to meet their demands.

Why do we struggle to cut free from a toxic relative?

We don't put up with abusive behaviour from strangers. So why do we often give our relatives a free pass when it comes to hurting and undermining us?

We just don't see it. We find it hard to see their behaviour as emotionally abusive: while it's hurtful, we minimise it and don't call them out on it.

Guilt

In our society, family life is packed with expectations: we're supposed to get along, keep the peace, respect and help our ageing parents, and put the needs of others before our own. Breaking any of these social norms will likely make you feel guilty.

These rules and expectations make sense only if you have healthy family relationships. If you have abusive relatives, they are unrealistic, unfair and harmful. So it's not selfish, mean or wrong to look after your well-being by distancing yourself from those who distress you.

Loyalty

 You probably learned as a child that loyalty and commitment to your family is a virtue. Healthy closeness and loyalty imply reciprocal care and respect and allow for differences in opinions, values and feelings. However, loyalty may be weaponised to control you if you try to assert your independence and challenge abusive behaviours.

Fear

Cutting someone out of your life is a massive change, and you can't tell how it will play out. So it's understandable that fear of the unknown keeps many of us in unhappy relationships. But you can face down your fear and overcome any challenges that arise. Be kind to yourself and reach out to your support network.

Love

This is perhaps the biggest hurdle to overcome. Despite all the problems and pain they cause, you love your family. You share memories, good and bad, and you want to be able to help them in the future. But love on its own won't make a relationship work. So while cutting ties may feel unloving, it doesn't mean you've stopped loving your family. We can still love people even if we have to keep our distance.

Going no contact - be prepared for the fallout

When you cut contact with a family member, be aware that you stand to lose more than the person you are cutting ties with. There are always going to be unforeseen casualties. Other family members can find the situation difficult to process and may not back you up.

But you can't begin healing until you leave an abusive relationship.

How to cut ties with abusive relatives

  • Acknowledge the truth. Stop minimising the abuse, and don't deny the harm caused by your family member.
  • Accept that they cannot or will not change.
  • Grieve the loss of the relationship with the parent, sibling or another relative that you wanted, deserved and needed.
  • Seek support from a support group, therapist, or trusted friend who's gone through similar issues.

And if you’re not yet ready?

If you're not ready to cut ties, it's OK. You shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision. Cutting ties is a last resort for most people, and it often takes years to come to this conclusion. And there's no right or wrong way to do it - you are the only person who can decide how much or how little contact you want.

You have  the right to a happy life

There comes a time when you've had enough. You can't grow and enjoy a positive life if you are constantly being undermined by a toxic person.

So know that it's OK to cut family out of your life, however difficult this may seem. You deserve to be treated with respect and love and find true happiness.


Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202008/5-signs-its-time-cut-yourself-your-toxic-family

https://www.wikihow.com/Cut-Ties-with-Family-Members-Who-Hurt-You


Marie Pure

Other articles


What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

How to break your bad habits

How to break your bad habits

Bad habits waste your energy and time. They disrupt your life, risk your health and stop you from achieving your aims. So why do we do them? And what can we do to break our bad habits?

Read the complete article

Did you get stuck in the past

Did you get stuck in the past?

Do you find yourself often thinking about your past? Do you wish you could turn back the clock to days gone by or things as they were before covid disrupted the world?

Read the complete article

Hiding a depression find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

Read the complete article

How can I help my child achieve their dreams

How can I help my child achieve their dreams?

Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.

Read the complete article

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

5 tips to survive autumn healthily

We simply can’t avoid noticing the changes all around us. Autumn is here... Autumn is also called a transitional season. Slowly and steadily, it prepares us for the transition...

Read the complete article

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

How to be less judgemental of others (and yourself!)

Do you feel you’re always criticising and judging everyone, yourself included? Do you feel bad about it afterwards? You’re certainly not alone! Read on to discover how you can judge less and start to accept things the way they are.

Read the complete article

Can you accept things you can't change Take our quiz!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Read the complete article

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

5 Signs of narcissistic perversion

Narcissism is a term we often see these days. But what does it mean? It's used to describe a person who is full of themselves or overly vain. However, it's not really about self-love.

Read the complete article

7 Reasons Why Your Child is Underperforming

7 Reasons Why Your Child is Underperforming

As parents, we often worry about a poor school report as much, if not more, as our kids do! And if your child's grades are slipping, you'll be looking for reasons and if there's anything you can do to help.

Read the complete article

Bach Flowers are not medicinal but harmless plant extracts which are used to support health.

© 2024 Mariepure - Webdesign Publi4u

Free personal advice for your problem?

Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.

tom vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch

Yes, I want free advice

No thanks, I will do my own research