Do you 'Musturbate' too much?

Do you 'Musturbate' too much?
Do you 'Musturbate' too much

Do you suffer from a disorder known as "musturbation"? This term was first coined in the 1950s by psychotherapist Albert Ellis and described the way a negative inner voice rules our minds and bludgeons us with words such as "must", "should", and "ought". This negative thought pattern is also known as "should-ing" - "I should do better at work", "I ought to go for that promotion", or "I have to help with the school fete". This is your "musturbully" talking. But if you were talking to a friend about a problem, would you be as hard on them as you are on yourself?

Bach flowers personal mix

Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
  • Fast and good results
Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

Can you benefit from being kinder to yourself?

We know about being kind and compassionate to others, but can we also be kind to ourselves? And why is self-compassion so important? Many of us put the needs of others before our own well-being.

We are raised to believe that putting our needs first is selfish. But in reality, being compassionate and kind to yourself is responsible behaviour rather than selfishness.

Self-compassion is often overlooked, but when you are kind to yourself, it helps you reach out and be kind to others. So when your negative inner voice is telling you that you must do something you don't want to do, ask yourself whether you would advise or speak to a friend in the same way. Or would you advise them not to be so hard on themselves?

It's vital to pause, take a step back and treat yourself kindly, whether mentally congratulating yourself for a successful work project or treating yourself to a spa day. And don't feel guilty while you do it!

However, if being kind to yourself doesn't come naturally, you're certainly not the only one! Practising self-compassion makes many people feel uneasy. See our quiz below and find out whether you're really being kind to yourself or "musturbating" too much.

Quiz: How kind to yourself are you?

1. How much Me-time do you allow yourself?

a) Time for myself isn't necessary for me.

b) I don't always manage to make time for myself because I've got too much on my plate.

c) I always build some time for myself into my daily schedule.

2. You've arranged to meet up with friends for a drink after work, but you've been working on a demanding project all week, and you're feeling exhausted. What do you decide to do?

a) Meet your friends but make an excuse and leave to carry on working, then make an excuse to go back to work

b) Go along because you would feel guilty if you cancelled, but feel stressed and can't stop thinking about work.

c) My friends will understand - I'll explain things to them, arrange to meet another time, and go home to get a good night's sleep.

3. You run into someone who knows you but can't remember their name. Do you:

a) Feel furious with yourself for forgetting their name and go over and over your mortification for the rest of the day.

b) Bluff your way through the conversation, feeling very anxious.

c) Make a joke of it and say sorry - it happens all the time.

4. What are you doing this weekend?

a) Working - I need the weekend to catch up on work stuff I didn't get done in the week.

b) I'll see what everyone else wants to do.

c) I'll be doing something that makes me happy.

5. You're giving a key presentation at work, but you stumble over some words. How do you feel afterwards?

a) Go over and over in your head what a disaster you are and lose your self-confidence.

b) Focus on what went well and learn from your mistakes, so you do better in the future.

c) Talk it through with a friend, feel mortified for a while, then move on.


Mostly As:

You need to practice self-compassion. Being kind to yourself appears to be the last thing on your mind. Learn to ignore your "Musturbully" with baby steps. Set aside one evening a week one night for some self-care. Switch off your screens and relax in a bubble bath, listen to music or watch a movie.

Mostly Bs:

You're kind to yourself - some of the time!

Sometimes you can be your own best friend; at other times, your inner critic gets the better of you. Try being more assertive. It's OK to turn down an invitation sometimes and have a night at home looking after yourself if that's what you need.

Mostly Cs:

You know the importance of being kind to yourself

You are your best friend. You understand how vital it is to be kind to yourself. If you don't look after yourself, you'll burn out and won't function well enough to look after others, so you schedule regular time for yourself every day.

How to boost your self compassion skills

Being kind to yourself doesn't always come naturally. Many of us are hard on ourselves, but it doesn't have to be that way. Self-compassion is a skill you can learn. Here are a few tips to get you started:

Nurture your body

Eat healthy food, go for a walk, or spend the day gardening. Anything you do to look after your body is a vital step to self-compassion. Bach Flowers Mix 44 helps you believe in yourself and reduce performance anxiety.

Be mindful

Meditating for a few minutes or spending time in nature is a fantastic way to be kind to yourself.

Keep a journal

When a situation has caused you pain, describe it in your journal without allocating any blame - especially to yourself. This exercise will help you analyse your feelings and avoid getting trapped in a cycle of negative thinking.

Encourage yourself

If a close friend was facing challenging and stressful times, what would you say to them? You'd try to be supportive, encouraging and optimistic. When you're in a similar situation, ignore your inner "musturbully" and be compassionate towards yourself.


Sources:

https://positivepsychology.com/how-to-practice-self-compassion/

https://self-compassion.org/wptest/wp-content/uploads/self_compassion_exercise.pdf

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/


Marie Pure

Other articles


Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

Let's make 2021 better than 2020

For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?

Read the complete article

How can I help my child achieve their dreams

How can I help my child achieve their dreams?

Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.

Read the complete article

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

Six things we think will make us happy, but don't!

When you think about things that will make you happy, what are the images that come to mind? Wealth, beauty, a dream house, long holidays, a top of the range car? Happiness is not a constant and how happy we feel depends on the way we choose to live our lives. 

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to work

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Read the complete article

Hiding a depression find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

Hiding a depression: find out if someone you know - or you yourself! - is doing this

It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!

Read the complete article

Are you stuck in a rut

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

Read the complete article

Choose for your happiness

Choose for your happiness!

Being happy is something everybody strives for, but unfortunately there are a lot of people who go through life unhappily. A lot of people take life how it is.

Read the complete article

Free personal advice for your problem?

Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.

tom vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch

Yes, I want free advice

No thanks, I will do my own research