Are you a shrinking violet or the life and soul of any gathering? It may be that you wish you were more assertive so that you don’t disappear into the background, or perhaps you think you’re too assertive and come across as a little aggressive. There’s a fine line to tread between being too assertive and not assertive enough, and in this article we’re going to take a look at this issue.
It seems that over the past twenty or thirty years we have become conditioned to believe that assertiveness is linked to success, leadership, and getting ahead in our lives. However, assertiveness has become a term that is a double-edged sword, particularly for women in the workplace. The synonym for “assertive” is “aggressive” after all.
According to research undertaken by the Mayo clinic in the USA, being assertive is good for your health. You’re more likely to handle stress more easily, and cope with daily pressure, if you are able to vocalise any complaints or issues you have. Standing up for yourself boosts your self-confidence, and that makes you feel better.
In addition, asking others for what you want or need in a calm and rational manner makes your life easier. Assertiveness gets you that appointment you need, or a job interview, or inclusion in a social outing.
It may be that you find it difficult to vocalise what you want or feel. You may be too passive, and fear conflict, so you allow others to drown you out. On the other hand, if you’re too assertive, others may find you too domineering, pushy or aggressive, and avoid you if they can. People tend to think that highly assertive people are less friendly, less likeable, and more self-involved than others – and it may be that you are! If you feel that you alienate people, you need to reconsider how you’re coming across.
One line of thought suggests that overly assertive people are driven by ‘winning’ – that could be an argument, a promotion, the front of the queue; while people who are less assertive are driven by relationships: they want to be liked.
The trick to knowing the difference is making sure you are self-aware. How do you come across to other people? You might be surprised to find that people think you are more assertive than you feel you are. If you regularly rub someone up the wrong way, it may be because the other person perceives you as too assertive.
In life, in teams, at work and in the family, there is room for all types of people. People, who are peacemakers, people who like to please. There is only an issue if you as an individual know that you are practicing avoidance behaviours, or you try to appease others at the expense of your own sense of self. Of course, it can be difficult for an unassertive person to speak up even when asked. It takes courage to build assertiveness.
According to research, and possible common sense too, being properly assertive means being proactive but also inclusive. You are involved and engaged, and you encourage others to be too. You put forward your own point of view, and you listen and consider others.
It may be that you need to take advice from someone else about your assertiveness skills. If you notice you’re too assertive or not assertive enough then it is more than likely that others have noticed this too, and they may have some useful feedback for you if you’re prepared to listen. It is worth bearing in mind that research shows that people are less likely to tell you that you are too assertive even if you are, because they may lack assertiveness themselves and fear conflict. This is especially the case if you have a tendency to react badly to such news or you’re volatile.
Remember - being able to express yourself is fundamental to good self-esteem so it is worth putting some time in and getting the balance of assertiveness right.
Do you expect more from others than they are prepared to give? Signs that you may be asking too much - and how to break the pattern.
Feel like you overthink too much? Having a hard time making decisions? Or feel like you don’t consider your options enough? Find out how to strike a balance.
Do you always feel that everything’s always going wrong? Find out how to stop this cycle of bad thoughts in its tracks. When you think positively, things will start to appear positive and you will eventually feel more positive and optimistic.
For many people, 2020 has been one of the worst years they can remember. The COVID -19 pandemic and social unrest have changed our lives in ways we would not have believed possible a year ago. And when January 2021 comes around, we're still likely to be facing many challenges. Can 2021 be a better year?
Read the complete articleHave you ever noticed that some people are instantly likeable? Many people believe that people will only like you because of natural traits you're born with: good looks, talent and sociability. But this is a misconception. Getting people to like you is within your control, and it's all to do with self-belief, knowing yourself and being emotionally intelligent. Here's what to do to be more likeable.
It's not always easy to tell if someone has depression. While some signs such as sadness, pessimism and withdrawal from social interaction are easy to recognise, other symptoms may be less obvious. And some people are very good at hiding their depression - even from themselves!
Headaches can be a real nuisance, especially if you get them frequently. Luckily, there are many natural ways to prevent and relieve headaches without needing to reach for over the counter medication.
Since the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic, governments around the world have taken unprecedented measures to stop the spread of coronavirus. The rapid changes we've seen have had an impact on almost every aspect of our lives.
It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.
Irrational anxieties can seem overwhelming, affecting every aspect of your life. Learn how to beat your fears and worries and take back control.
Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.