What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading
What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

At the start of a new relationship, you're on Cloud Nine with that "first-date" butterfly feeling. But the euphoria seems to fade after a few months, and as time passes, the relationship can start to feel predictable and stale. But is it possible to keep excitement and romance going in a long term relationship?

Bach flowers personal mix

Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
  • Fast and good results
Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

What causes that first date feeling?

That feeling of butterflies in your stomach that you experience when you first start dating someone new is all down to your hormones, especially vasopressin in men and oxytocin in women.

Other hormones such as dopamine and serotonin, the feel-good hormones, also play their part. Physical reactions such as a dry mouth, sweaty palms and your heart going pit-a-pat are the result of increased levels of adrenalin, a hormone your body releases when you are stressed. These are the signs and symptoms of "love at first sight".

However, we can't maintain these intense feelings of" being in love". When you settle down into a long-term relationship, you feel comfortable and relaxed with one another, and the euphoria fades. When you understand this concept, the worry that you might no longer love your partner enough will disappear.

Once you settle down, the emotions in a relationship will wax and wane over the years. This is natural, but there's a risk that your relationship will become routine and boring. Luckily, there are several steps you can take to keep the spark alive.

1. Try new things together

The thing about a new relationship is not just the romance. It's that it's new, and new things stimulate our brains. Every now and then, try out new experiences together. Take a cooking class, volunteer at a food bank, or take tennis lessons together. Learning something new can help you to recapture that warm, fuzzy feeling.

2. Surprise your partner

Small surprises keep the excitement going and will help to stop you from getting stuck in a rut. The possibilities are endless: treat them to a weekend away, bring them breakfast in bed, cook a special meal, or come home with a small gift. Small surprises

3. Enjoy date nights with your partner

During the early days of a relationship, most couples go out regularly on dates. But as time passes, going out for coffee, to the cinema or for dinner is often swapped for watching a box set on the couch. Reinforce your relationship by scheduling quality time together as often as you can.

4. Talk to each other

Don't forget to talk about what's important. Once a relationship becomes a habit, it's easy to forget all the romantic things you used to say. Don't stop expressing your emotions and telling your partner that you love them.

5. Build anticipation with messages

When you're away, text messages help to build excitement about when you meet up again. Spicing things up with some sexy messages is an easy way to rekindle the flame in your relationship.

6. Get physical

Frequent physical contact expresses intimacy and affection, essential for a healthy long term relationship. Give your partner a hug or a cuddle when they leave for work or arrive home, or touch their arm as you pass them. Physical contact doesn't necessarily have to lead to sex. But if your sex life is underwhelming, Bach Flower Mix 41 can help to treat a lack of desire.

7. Create goals together

Establish some goals that you can aim for as a couple. Your targets could be anything from saving for a mortgage deposit, running a marathon, or ticking off destinations on your travel bucket list. Shared goals not only let you work as a team, but they also give you things to do together and plenty of topics to talk about.

8. Spending time with others who have good relationships

Spending time with other couples who share your values and are in strong, long term relationships can reinforce your own commitment. Positive role models help to inspire and motivate you to keep your relationship fresh and exciting.

9. Talk about your dreams and aspirations

When you were first dating and getting to know one another, you probably talked about your aspirations and dreams. As time passes, these types of conversations tend to get forgotten. We assume we know everything there is to know about our partner. Make time to discuss your goals and future hopes, and help each other to bring these dreams to life.

10. Stay curious

As a relationship matures, people tend to change the type of questions they ask each other. "What is your earliest memory?" gets replaced with" Did you remember to buy milk?". Rather than keeping the conversation superficial, ask your partners opinions and thoughts about their past, as well as about current events and topics.

A final thought

While focusing on your relationship, don't forget to look after yourself. If your life is very intertwined with that of your partner's, you're at risk of losing your own identity. Make sure your own hobbies, friendships and interests aren't squeezed out. Establishing and maintaining autonomy and independence will rekindle your attraction for each other.

Share
Marie Pure

Other articles


Mistakes as a Parent

Mistakes as a Parent

Can we learn from our mistakes and develop a stronger, healthier emotional bondwith our kids? To help you identify your weak spots, we’ve rounded up some of the most common mistakes parents make.

Read the complete article

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

Even the brightest minds have setbacks!

We all want to be successful but many of us find the path to achieving our dreams is blocked by our fear of failure. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, go backpacking around the world or start up a new business, you need to accept that you might fail many times over before you achieve success.

Read the complete article

Are you stuck in a rut

Are you stuck in a rut?

Sometimes it’s hard to notice when we've become trapped in familiar routines. Take our quiz to find out if you’re stuck in a rut and what you can do about it.

Read the complete article

have you considered yoga

Have you considered yoga? The advantages of practicing yoga

Have you considered yoga? There are many advantages to practicing yoga. It is a holistic practice benefitting you physically, emotionally & mentally.

Read the complete article

What makes it so hard to go back to work

What makes it so hard to go back to work?

Millions of people furloughed for months are now being recalled to work. Others, who have been working from home throughout the lockdown, are returning to the office. And some jobs have simply disappeared: many people are facing redundancy and will soon have to cope with job hunting. Going back to work after an unprecedented length of time at home is quite a challenge.

Read the complete article

Stop worrying and live in the moment

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Read the complete article

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Find out if you're suffering from imposter syndrome

Do you sometimes feel your achievements are not the result of your hard work and skill but are just luck? And do you fear that one day, someone will reveal you as an imposter or fraud? You might have imposter syndrome!

Read the complete article

Why you're not the best

Why you're not the best

What are your aims in life? Do you plan to be rich, to be a top footballer, to be a good parent, or to become Prime Minister? However efficiently you plan your life, sooner or later you are going to come up against obstacles to achieving your goals.

Read the complete article

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Signs you're slipping into a burn-out

Learn how to recognise the signs of stress and avoid slipping into a burnout or a bore-out

Read the complete article

Dealing with British Summer Time

Dealing with British Summer Time

Some people are overly sensitive to the time change and it can take days, if not weeks, for them to feel right again, while others barely even notice. 

Read the complete article