How to spot toxic behaviour

How to spot toxic behaviour
How to spot toxic behaviour

You see the word "toxic" everywhere these days, but what does it really mean? You've almost certainly come across someone who fits the description. Dealing with difficult personalities can be challenging and emotionally exhausting, to say the least.

Familiarising yourself with toxic behaviour helps you to navigate these stressful relationships. Here are some of the traits generally associated with toxic people:

  • Toxic people are judgmental. They will criticise the things you've done and the things you haven't done. Problems are never their fault, and they're prepared to lie if it serves their purpose.
  • They're manipulative. They'll get other people to do what they won't - forget about what you want! When dealing with difficult personalities, it's essential to set boundaries. Bach Flower Mix 44 helps you be more assertive so you can say no whenever you need to.
  • Toxic people don't take responsibility for their own feelings but instead, project their emotions onto you. If you point this out, they will vigorously defend their point of view.
  • They never say sorry. They see no reason to because things are never their fault. Instead, they'll often try to gain attention and sympathy by portraying themselves as a victim.
  • Toxic people are inconsistent. They'll change their attitude, perspective and behaviour depending on what they want to happen. But, on the other hand, they can be kind to you when they want something. So it's hard to know how to deal with them.
  • They like to divide and conquer, making you choose them over anyone else. They can even require you to exclude other relationships from your life.
  • Toxic people focus on problems, not solutions. They aren't interested in your perspective or in seeking a compromise. They may be vague or arbitrary and divert attention away from the subject under discussion to your tone of voice or words.
  • Toxic people aren't loyal, supportive or caring. Good things that happen to you may divert attention away from them. Watch out for people who constantly find fault with you and like putting you in the wrong.

Bach flowers personal mix

Bach flowers personal mix:

  • Personal combination
  • Based on your symptoms and character
  • Bach flower remedy personally selected by Tom
  • Fast and good results
Discover how Personal Bach flowers remedy - Wizard can help you

But could it be you who's the toxic one?

Let's pause for a moment and reflect on these traits. It's easy to call people toxic. It justifies our emotions, gives us a sense of power and relieves us of responsibility. While it's true that some people are challenging to deal with, it's not helpful to think of ourselves as better or superior to them.

Can we say honestly that we don't recognise any of these characteristics in ourselves? Have we never been self-centred? Have we never been jealous? Are we never inconsistent in our behaviour? Come on, we're all human, and none of us is perfect!

The aim is not to allow such traits to become habitual. When we see these behaviours in others, we label them as toxic, tell ourselves that they are bad people with difficult personalities and try to avoid them.

It's true; nobody wants to spend time with selfish people. But being judgmental and scornful of them isn't necessary. In fact, labelling them as toxic could itself be toxic behaviour.

Calling others toxic isn’t helpful

When your plans don't work out, and others don't act as you'd like them to, what's your response? If you feel inferior or insecure, how do you behave with those you claim you love? It's all too easy to hold others responsible for our own happiness and very easy to label them as toxic when it appears that they are not considerate of our feelings.

We are quick to forget that we are the only ones in charge of our behaviour and emotions, so we end up thinking angry, selfish thoughts. But it's precisely this kind of behaviour that toxic people show. So who's the toxic one now?

Labelling people as toxic distracts us from real, underlying problems. It lets us feel better about our own actions, thoughts and feelings, allocating blame and elevating ourselves rather than trying to gain a better understanding of other people and our relationships.

Don’t play the blame game

When we can accept responsibility for our own feelings, we are less likely to blame others for how we are feeling. But that doesn't mean we have to blame ourselves instead. Blame restricts our personal growth. We all make mistakes! The thing is to acknowledge the mistake and learn from it so that we don't make the same mistake again.

You don't need to be best friends with those who behave badly towards you or condone their behaviour, but you also don't have to make the problem worse. Instead, understand that toxic behaviour usually arises from a place of insecurity and personal inadequacy. We need to accept that everyone is at a different stage of emotional development and surround ourselves as much as possible with those who love and respect us.


Sources:

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/jul/26/toxic-people-behavior-blame-psychology

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/in-flux/201608/8-traits-the-most-toxic-people-in-your-life-share


Marie Pure

Other articles


How can I help my child achieve their dreams

How can I help my child achieve their dreams?

Children's imaginations know no limits and their dreams are a mix of hopes and fantasies, the real and the magical, the impossible and the achievable.

Read the complete article

Can you accept things you can't change Take our quiz!

Can you accept things you can't change? Take our quiz!

Your relationship ends, or you lose your job, and you get stuck in a rut of negative thoughts and suffering. How good are you at letting go of grudges and accepting that some things are beyond your control? Take our quiz to find out!

Read the complete article

Is it OCD Find out!

Is it OCD? Find out!

While you often hear people joking that they have OCD because they like to keep their house clean and tidy, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be a distressing and debilitating mental health condition with a wide range of symptoms.

Read the complete article

Stop worrying and live in the moment

Stop worrying and live in the moment

People spend so much of their time regretting the past and worrying about the future. But it’s not worth it! Even what happened yesterday doesn't matter anymore! Let go of the past and the future and make the most of every moment.

Read the complete article

How to know when to say no

How to know when to say no

It's often difficult to say no, but some people never do! So how do you know when to say no and when to say yes?

Read the complete article

What to do when the spark is fading

What to do when the spark is fading

Why do you feel butterflies at the start of a new romance, and how can you keep the flame burning in a long term relationship as the spark starts to fade?

Read the complete article

I don't want to!

I don't want to!

Motivation can be somewhat elusive - some days, you just can't seem to make yourself do the stuff you don't want to. But putting things off just leads to stress, frustration and a sense of guilt.

Read the complete article

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

Simple tips to not be afraid of the future

No one knows what the future holds, so don't waste time and energy worrying about it. Read our tips and find out how to stop being afraid of what might never happen.

Read the complete article

fear of fireworks dogs

7 tips to help your dog with a fear of fireworks

As nice as it is for a person to celebrate New Year, it's not so nice for a dog, especially when the loud fireworks go off the whole night. This is really frightening for many dogs. Read our 7 tips on how you can help your dog with his fear of fireworks.

Read the complete article

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

Top 5 nonsensical reasons to have doubts about yourself

It happens to everyone at times: we start doubting ourselves. We worry about the decisions and whether we can face future challenges that life has in store. And sometimes we feel that we just aren't good enough.

Read the complete article

Free personal advice for your problem?

Are you unsure which Bach flowers can help you? Contact Tom for free advice.

tom vermeersch
Tom Vermeersch

Yes, I want free advice

No thanks, I will do my own research